Airport, Departure

1

We were both tired. We'd both overdrank last night - wasn't part of the plan, but that's how the night went with everybody happy to contribute towards another bottle as a goodbye gift. I'd passed out somewhere at some point in a semi-private place, a burger I'd only taken a bite out of still in my hands. Sid found me and we went back after all that.

Had to wake up by 6 AM. If it were up to me to wake us both up, the flight might as well have not been booked at all. Good thing Sidius had a thing with alarms: alarm clock goes off; he wakes up, as simple as that. Still, didn't mean that he weren't tired. Hungover and groggy, we'd arrived at the airport after an hour's journey to find the departure lounge to be too populated to sit down. So there we were, at the arrivals.

The sheer density of people, the eagerness of the crowd, the hubbub of activity, the bright lights; all things pushing us bit by bit towards overstimulation. It was a strange juxtaposition. We were all tired yeah, us from the previous night and that morning. Us versus the arriving people from their flights. We had more to come though, these people were just glad to have arrived. Sidius would be departing soon. These people were joining whomever was waiting for them.

2

I guess I wasn't fully exhausted. I had energy enough to feel it, the loneliness.

Airports have been a very... physical symbol in my life. I'm sure it's the case for many people, but anyways, for me, most times when I left a country it would be for good. America, France, England.

Through all that, each and every airport I've been to, I loved. The architecture with so much space, the gigantic windows overlooking the planes in the departure lounges, those gigantic windows that projected the skies so directly unto us, every image a metaphysical manifestation of flight, departure, and arrival. Always so relaxing, always so neutral; airports never felt like they belonged anywhere, some otherworldly feel to them.

People would leave from them, leave behind gods-know-what, leave towards world-knows-where. That alone could cause a whole range of emotions: the liberation, anxiety, anticipation, excitement, regrets, and of course, loneliness. Even when arriving there to greet or be greeted by loved ones, the relief from these emotions or loneliness would punctuate the fact that those emotions existed. No winning, no getting out of it. Once you feel it, you know it for good.

I breathed in deep, the pheromones of the crowd setting off chemical fireworks in my brain. Loneliness, a smell.

3

And so there I was. Sitting across one of my closest friends, not knowing when I'd see him again, too tired or busy chasing my thoughts to say anything meaningful. Then again, that might've been "awkward" or whatever. Ah, men. Am I right? Or... maybe, if something was said, the goodbye would feel too real. Too important. Almost permanent until otherwise acted upon. Something we wanted to avoid.

Saying nothing that mattered much, we both parted ways.

Loneliness is a human condition that we all have to deal with and live with I suppose. Just that one day I got to really splash around in it, fatigue enhancing the experience. Exhausted empowerment.

I still love airports; rare are opportunities to get so close to an embodiment of an emotion.