Bench

[Once again, written from mobile; please disregard any capitalisation inconsistencies. I will make best effort, however, to write 'correctly'. Last time it looked a bit messy.]

I lay there, with my headphones gripping around my ear. I could feel my pulse against them, telling me I was alive. The last song had ended a while ago and I hadn't put on a new one on yet. I wasn't about to listening to any song though, just my pulse and the ambience.

The light shower had left the earth and air moist; a cool breeze was all that stood between my word choice of humid or moist. The night air cool, I just lay there, staring up at the cloudy sky.

The clouds were plenty visible. All the light pollution that we (as humans) were pumping out left the darkness of the night weak and feeble around these parts. Still, night was night, and the shadows were cozy in their enfeebled state.

The bench was hard on my back - I had learned through experience that the pleasures donned did not include a comfortable surface. It was the best I could make do with though; I wasn't about to complain. The smell of wood soothed my senses further as I thought about this.

Possession is an odd thing. Often there is effort, or struggle, to obtain something. Then there is continued effort, or struggle to keep something. To have something, to possess, to be chained. To be possessed by your possessions?

Cliché, yeah, but it made sense to me at a deeper level for the first time. The summer night was merciful and welcoming, and it had in store much more than simple relaxation and relief that I had originally seeked.

Perhaps this was as close to meditation as I could get to in the life I lead currently. Perhaps this was just an odd hobby that would pass as 'just a phase'. I let my mind drift and scatter, letting all thoughts come and go. Occassional conversations from people passing by, talking on their phones, mundane emotional matters we all deal with - a stark contrast from the Zen I was chasing while lying down. Still, something I would partake in again and again so long as I was involved with this world.

I snapped out of my trance and sat up. The summer night's mercy extended only as far as its temperature; the Mosquitos had their own agenda. I was going to go home and sleep in my bed tonight. A bed designed for Greek Gods and Roman Emperors, a bed taken up by a man so far from enlightenment and desperately aware of that fact.

Tonight's dreams would be vivid as usual.

Short Thought on a Human Condition

[written from mobile, please disregard capitalisation inconsistencies.]


2 things.


First, you may or may not have heard the mind-shattering question of 'how do you know you are not alone in this world?'.
the gist of the question is this: considering that everything you experience is basically neural signals in your own brain, how can you say with certainty that people - people you know around you, people you talk to on a daily basis or meet for the first time - are "real", and not just part of your imagination? just autonomically and spontaneously generated neural signals to give the illusion that others exist? maybe the life you know is entirely a figment of your imagination? maybe you are truly and utterly alone in your existence.

believe it or not, that question is moot. pointless.
it's like the myth of 'bumblebees aren't supposed to be capable of flight according to aerodynamics, but they fly anyway' - this has been disproved, the flight of a bee can be explained by aerodynamics.
the fact that others do exist has been proven in a philosophical experiment by a simple fact: language.
if every person you meet was just parts of your imagination, there would be no need for language at all. you would be able to interface with yourself easily, and there would be no room for misunderstandings that arise from language issues.

note here that I don't mean just 'people who speak different languages', but also the fact that even people who speak the same language have incomplete communication with each other. in other words, it is very difficult to accurately and unambiguously convey what you mean (including all nuances) to another person.

so, this leads us to an interesting situation.
1. we are definitely not alone in this existence.
2. the evidence that proves this fact also states that even if we aren't alone in this existence, we are incapable of truly understanding each other.
3. so... how together are we, when we are together?
it's a somewhat difficult and lonely state we exist in.

[side note: this is part of the reason why I struggle and strive to learn languages, to better my skills at conveying what I mean, to aid (as much as I can) the understanding of the person I am speaking to.
this is also the reason I try to give my full attention to the person or people I am with or in communication with.]


Second, just a short addendum, somebody asked me recently, 'aren't you lonely?' or 'you must be lonely'.
I can't remember what it was that brought about that question, nor the exact nuance/wording/intention of that question, but... my answer was simple.
"Aren't we all."

and I meant it. every word, every letter, every inflection of my voice.
this is our condition. this is us, right now.